I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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