I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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