saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who did Billy Mays play for?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
pray to the hookup gods
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
