Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
