spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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