I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
