Swine flu is the new snow day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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