this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
