This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
