Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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