Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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