walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
