Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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