It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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