Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
