Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
