Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
