I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
