but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
