OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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