im gay
i know
yea but for you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
