Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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