can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
