so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
