Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've blown a few things in my day
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
