She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
