Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
