We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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