I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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