A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
