i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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