Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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