Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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