Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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