Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
