We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
