Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
