I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
