Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
