The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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