I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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