I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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