do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
