Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
