Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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