$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
