In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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