You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dont even know how to be here
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
