; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
