She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
