The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
