I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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