Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
