he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
