mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think my moral compass just broke
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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