you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
