Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
