I heard we made out
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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