I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
