her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
