happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
