I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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