i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
