He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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