you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
