Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
